B Rant: Rockets vs. Warriors, Day No Mas

1 June 2015

B = me 

Rant = declaim violently and with little sense; rave


I thought: I’ll put up my next Rockets vs. Warriors rant the day after the game—that’ll change our luck! 

* * * *

My friend sent me an article from The Nation called “An NBA Player Is Missing the Playoffs Because the NYPD Broke His Leg—Why the Sports-Media Silence?” It’s worth a read. Here’s a quick Chris “C+C Commercial Factory” Paul—I mean Cliff—Notes version: Thabo Sefolosha, a key reserve player for the che sorpresa Atlanta Hawks, found himself in a “wrong place, wrong time” predicament, was taken down by a few NYPD officers and had his leg broken in the process. He missed the rest of the season—including the Eastern Conference Finals against Lebron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers, where the Hawks were swept last week. Sefolosha would have played a key role in “trying to slow down Lebron” … Which is something akin to a prayer group armed with BB guns trying to combat drone strikes …  

As far as what really went down? … there is a lot out there to be read and viewed in the digiverse. Go for it, make up your own mind. I wasn’t there, but … it does appear to be a “shit is fucked up” situation.

As far as “Why the Sports-Media Silence?” goes, there is but one question: How does this story fit into the Entertainment-Money vortex? (At least for a cat like me who can blow off hoops for years at time, choosing not to be Clockwork Oranged by the commercials, then easily dip back in when his team gets rolling.) This is a non-safety-blade Occam’s razor amici. This a world where Mr. Occam is the only barber on earth. No need to break down the Entertainment-Money vortex, better to keep it simple. 

What would the Sports-Media volume level be …

If … 

instead of Sefolosha, that was Lebron James?

instead of Sefolosha, that was Stephen Curry?

instead of Sefolosha, that was Mark Cuban?

instead of Sefolosha, that was the pocketbook of every insurance/car/phone company that advertises with the NBA?

It will be interesting to see how the league and the player’s union (and their new president, Michele Roberts) handle this in the off-season. My guess: Mad Politics + Mad Money = Mad Silence. Vedremo. I might be wrong, but with a new collective bargaining agreement to be sorted out, don’t expect the money-boat to be rocked—especially by the players. Just look at how the (we put the curse on ourselves) Clippers’ players responded to the Donald Sterling Acid Test: Stay Calm & Count Your Money. Maybe the next time an NBA player has his leg broken by the cops his team will turn their socks inside-out in protest. Maybe

* * * *

The Rockets got smashed like it was the second half of an Oilers vs. Bills playoff game. The Rockets got trounced like Dan Quayle at a spelling bee. The Rockets got handled like your “media rate” package after you curse out that one dude at the post office on 3rd between B and C. The Rockets got sonned like a belligerent hipster in Ciudad Juarez. 

And then … they won a game. 

And then … it got all Sci-Fi and shit

* * * *

I received the first ______ notice in the form of an old-fashioned 2004ish newsletter. (Part of the User Agreement states I must have my brain zapped into forgetting the name of the company, thus the ______.) It read: YOUR ROCKETS ARE DOWN 3 GAMES TO ZERO – DO YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE NBA’S FIRST 3 – 0 COMEBACK? I was a little buzzed, thought it was spam and hit delete. 

The next day (game 4) I simultaneously received a text, an email, private Instagram and Twitter messages that read: B, EXPERIENCE THE COMEBACK – OPEN THE ______ APP WE JUST INSTALLED IN YOUR PHONE. Okay, I thought, I’ve been hacked. Modern. U2 style. I’ll just delete it.

But I didn’t. Might as well read what it’s all about—can’t hurt.

The User Agreement was the usual legal mumbo-jumbo: by tapping on a glass screen … I’m All In.  

The real what the hell? rabbit hole was in the Description: If you’re reading this then you’ve been deemed worthy of experiencing the ______ App. We’ve pinpointed a number of tech-forward Rockets fans and are extending this first of its kind invitation. By downloading the ______ App you acknowledge that the ______ light-stream and pattern-arranger will begin immediately, rewiring your brain forever to believe the Rockets came back from a 3 games to 0 deficit. You will experience the joy of your home team delivering an unprecedented comeback. This experience will never be “corrected.” If you download the ______ App your actions will forever be sufficiently altered—or “pre-edited”—so as to never run into someone who may inform you of the series results in the “other reality”; you will never encounter the series results from the “other reality” in print, online, or in the social media or social media 2.0 worlds. This historic comeback will be part of your only reality. Note: IF the Rockets do come back in the reality you currently inhabit (i.e. pre-download, pre-light-stream, pre-pattern-arranger) the joy produced will be approximately double what it will be after you download the ______ App. The odds of this happening, however, are less than .01 percent. You have one hour to access the ______ App. 

* * * *

Madness?—Cajones?—Angel Investor bait? Tutti tre. Make no mistake and don’t get it twisted, the trophies-for-all! generation is on path to update the Choose Your Own Adventure book series in real (neuro) time. Mommy and Daddy are already addicting their kids to screens (Ever hear the one about the leaders of the industry that invented screen addiction not allowing their kids to look at screens?), convincing them they do no wrong and are great! at everything! and should always! be happy! If we’re going to falsify (and boom, there’s the next word to be flipped: falsify) our life, likes, friends, taste (“if you like this you might like these”) and attention (to English) span—why not go the distance? 

* * * *

The Rockets got housed like a leaky double-wide = I suppose I didn’t hypnotize myself via app = Time to return the Time Warner cable box and remove one avenue into C+C Commercial Factory Clockwork Orange shenanigans = Write your own fiction. 

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